This story was originally featured on Medium.com (4/10/2021). 

In 1998, DMX came barking and growling into hip-hop and continued to rip through the industry as we slid into the 21st century. I first heard him on that LL Cool J track “4,3,2,1” (the one that kicked off the Cannibus vs LL beef). He already sounded like a made rapper laying it down with the other legends on the track. But when “Get At Me Dog” dropped in February ’98, that’s when DMX smacked me across the face.

I’m an “old head” for sure — damn near ancient if you ask a Generation Z-er — and I remember the day It’s Dark And Hell Is Hot came out. It was a typical May Tuesday in the Pacific Northwest, which means you got your mix of clouds and sun, and probably a little rain sprinkle. I didn’t have my own car yet, so I had to catch a ride to the local Fred Meyer with my mom, who just happened to need to go grocery shopping. For those of you who don’t know, Fred Meyer is like a Super Walmart. You can buy socks and underwear there and pick up some milk and eggs, too. They also had an electronics department. My mom can be a real ball-buster (that’s a mom thing, right?), but she could also be really cool with shit, like “Mom can we stop by the electronics so I can buy this CD?” I was only 16 then, and a minor couldn’t buy an explicit album (at least from Freddie’s) at that time. Mom duke was cool with it. She approved my purchase at the register, gave me the keys to her Durango, and let me chill in the car while she finished her shopping.

I only made it through the third track, “Fuckin’ Wit’ D” before my mom wrapped up her shopping because I rewound the “Intro” and “Ruff Rider’s Anthem” a couple of times each. When the timpani drums hit on that intro, god damn! A minute and a half of build up before the entire beat drops, and by then I was banging into the front seat of that car like the Big Bad Wolf.

Who heard anything like this before? No one. DMX was the hardest shit I had ever heard. He was a hurricane on the record. He was “a motherfucking problem”. It was tremendous. When I got home, I called my best friend and fellow hip-hop head because he was hyped on the Darkman (cellphones for high school students in ’98 weren’t really a thing). I knew he had to hear it because DMX couldn’t really be explained. I played the intro over the phone, and I could hear my boy losing his mind on the other side. That’s what DMX’s music did when you listened to it. He pulled you into his world and exposed the maniac within and the anger, fear, hate, and pain that he channeled. Indeed, some real Dark Side shit right there. He also put his faith out there on the line.

Earl Simmons was once quoted as saying that “the toughest guys have the biggest hearts because they have to be tough to protect it.” If there was one thing I believe about this man who I never knew, it’s that he was sincere. He would rob you not because he wanted to but because he had to. He would take your girl. He would also hold your hand and pray with you, pray for you, or pray for forgiveness. The bared the complexity of his persona completely for you on record. He was as vulnerable as he was menacing. He was one of a kind.

He departed from this world yesterday after being in a coma for a week — the result of a heart attack he suffered. At 50, it’s not unheard of, but you have to believe that the devil that haunted him throughout his life (drug addiction) finally caught him. Damien. It is a sad ending to an incredible story of a man who pulled himself out of hell to touch heaven only to be cursed by the demons from his past that he couldn’t quite shake. And as this shit usually tends to go, it happened when he seemed to be making another comeback. Wasn’t that long ago that he was on tour to celebrate the 20th anniversary of It’s Dark And Hell Is Hot. He was just on Verzuz with Snoop. He was here with us. Now, he’s gone.

Rest in peace, Earl. Rest in peace DMX. You’ve earned your eternal place in our hearts, and they’ll never be another one like you.